A Leap of Faith

I’m aware there are a number of gaps in this blog, particularly the last month or so. Certain challenges have arisen and my focus and attention has never been more in the moment, and less on prior commitments. I do my best to post some sort of update online, often just a brief paragraph on facebook, but sometimes this just doesn’t feel of value or appropriate. In any case the whole story will be revealed in the book being published.

This particular entry was prompted by recalling the questions from the community in Grenada (in response to the challenges experienced there) and my decision not to return to the UK for now. Since things in Grenada didn’t turn out as expected, my friends there wanted to know what I was going to do, when I was returning home. Assuming that I was simply taking a holiday from my ‘normal life’ – job, routine, etc. This is what made me realise that there is no way of life to return to. Whatever is happening in the moment is my life, entirely. I really don’t feel connected to anything else but my present experience.

In the UK I have friends and family, a house and possessions, but my life is not there. I could create one there, but for the last few years whatever I’ve been able to create for myself there didnt entirely resonate, wasn’t truly fulfilling. Since ME stopped me in my tracks in 2005 I have never quite found a solid or sustainable lifestyle. I was trying to find my niche, and since I embarked on the Leap of Faith journey, nearly a year ago, I finally feel that I’ve found it.

So far the journey has manifested itself as a series of different realities and a rather nomadic lifestyle, often moving from one place to the next offering quite varied and contrasting experiences. In the near future I sense this will change. I believe the approach and attitude will continue, but how it manifests in terms of the reality I create and the environment i live in will change.

When activities around my ‘work’ change, I may need a base for example, and when I’m committed to a long term partnership in love, I will settle into a co-created reality that lasts for a longer term. Then life will look and feel very different to how it does now. For one, I will cease being so nomadic. However, I will still be living in the present. It is here and now that feels so very vibrant and alive. Sometimes incredibly intense and overwhelming, but always so alive.

The reality in Grenada went from the most blissful, relaxed and at peace to the most unbelievable, agonising, mind-bending and loving reality I’d ever experienced. It was my entire world. This reality I’m in now is about resting, writing, sailing and swimming, and generally reconnecting with my purpose – exploring these philosophies, and documenting what I discover. And this is now my entire world. This Leap of Faith journey has been the most incredible set of experiences I’ve ever known. No matter what happens and whatever I feel, I know in my heart, without a shadow of a doubt, it is absolutely what I am supposed to be doing, and being.