A Leap of Faith

I’m going to share something quite deep and personal now, because we rarely do and if we did share more, we’d come to love more.

Recently I was once again faced with my deepest insecurities, and realised that certain action I’d been taking was fuelling them.

Nooooo… This simply cannot be, I thought. After all the work I’ve done on myself, what is this crap I’ve now got sight of? Fortunately, once pride kindly stepped aside I realised I just needed to get over myself and my raging perfectionism!

The majority of people have some degree of fear and insecurity tucked away in there somewhere, and the act of pretending it’s not there is simply rooted in more fear and insecurity.

Oh no! What will people think of me if I admit to feeling insecure? Nobody will love me and I’ll be left all alone and die a shrivelled up old spinster! Any preoccupation about what other people may think of you is just a projection of the lack of love and acceptance you have for yourself. If you really loved yourself without condition, another’s perception of you would never even enter your head.

I knew there was some fear and insecurity present, but all of a sudden it looked really big and overwhelming. So the first thing I did was to resist it and reject it, this being the natural way to deal with something limiting and unwanted. But of course this doesn’t make it go away. And in order to learn and grow, you need have the strength to be vulnerable, to allow important shifts to happen, otherwise you’ll find yourself stuck.

At this stage in the experiment I’m delving into the realms of unconditional love, to see what it means to practice this wholly on a daily basis. And I know this most recent invitation to see into my deepest subconscious is part of this process, since practicing love without judgement begins at home.

Facing something that is so unpleasant, unwanted and unhelpful can be quite challenging. Loving it, completely, without judgement is something else again. But that’s what unconditional love is about - loving the truth, as it is, without question. And that is where true love lies.

In my own practice I’ve sometimes found that trying to love that unlovable thing immediately brings up resistance. And so I then have to love the resistance, because if I don’t, I’m resisting the resistance, and then it just spirals. So you can see where it starts to get confusing…

But you need to just keep going, embracing the truth of whatever is there, with the intention to accept it, love it, forgive it. Soon you will find a key that creates an energetic shift within you.

For me I discovered a resistance to imperfection that has been present for some time. That resistance to imperfection has manifested as various ‘addictions’. Extreme forms of resisting imperfection are drug and alcohol abuse, what I’m talking about here are things I’m motivated to do to improve or get rid of things, with an energy of rejection behind it rather than acceptance, which may make me feel better in the short-term, but not the long-term. 

An innocuous example of resistance to imperfection could be experiencing a bad hair day, a natural reaction to that being irritation. Or spots! Who likes getting spots? I hate bloody spots!

If you were comfortable with imperfection then the reaction would be indifference, or laughter maybe. Or if you really embraced imperfection you may even feel happier. If we all embraced imperfection then the world would start to look very different indeed. Less styling wax and concealer for starters.

The temptation with the practice of unconditional love is to jump straight into the middle of it. Intending to love yourself completely, whatever’s in your head, whatever you’re feeling inside, whatever your appearance, and whatever state your life is in. But often this can be a bit of a tall order. This is why you have to play with it and see where your key is, what clicks for you and creates a shift of perspective inside. And be prepared to for these keys to ‘wear out’ or change.

This is one key I found for myself: Love not loving you!

To try to completely love and accept every little piece of myself without judgement in one swipe has been like trying to climb a mountain without warming up. Probably precisely because I have perfectionist tendencies. So when I discovered this key it was more like skiing down the other side. Telling myself it was OK to not love myself completely suddenly dissolved the part of me that wasn’t loving and I felt amazing and free… and so relieved. Like there was nothing else in the world that needed achieving, ever. Like I’d finally ‘arrived’. And this is where the paradox transmutes from confusing to clearing, finally showing us its beauty.

Love is alchemic. Love is the answer. And love really is all you need.

Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all (RIP Whitney) so start learning to LOVE IT ALL.